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Thursday, December 10, 2009
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December
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I had this with my son last year, when he was eleven. I spoke to him as you probably have spoken to your daughter, explaining that I understood that he was curious about sex, that he wanted to learn more and that it was exciting. But I also talked about how porn is a fantasy, how it objectifies and abuses people, and how it can become addictive and replace real intimacy with fantasy. And then I got him some books about sex for kids his age. And I told him that I would check to make sure that he wasn't using our home computer to look at these sites. Perhaps your daughter is more astute or computer literate than my son, but he didn't realize that the browser has a history and that I can check it. All he knows is that I seem to know (supernaturally) when forbidden sites have been viewed, and he has ceased and desisted. Treating this matter-of-factly and offering substitute sources of information (if not titillation -- the books aren't very useful on that score....) seemed to help a lot. You can go into details with your daughter about how sites usually modify how bodies look, how they place women in the role of sex slaves or take away their dignity in other ways, etc. This provides a good forum for talking about how to value one's own body and dignity. Good luck! another mom of a pre-teen
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